Well I was right about one thing, (shocker) my stay at Bondelam was short, but very, very sweet. (Especially those fried bananas.)
My mouth waters just thinking about them.
Our last night spent there was peaceful.
We were swarmed by little kiddos from the village, and I don’t know if it is something in the water (because I am not allowed to drink it), but happiness literally beams out of their little faces. They are so quick to greet us, and although they only really know how to say “hello’ and what their name is, you can just tell they have nothing but pure hearts filled with wonder and vulnerability. I wonder how different the world looks from their eyes.
When we first landed in Bali, I got off the plane and saw the sky was polka-dotted with kites. Come to find out that kids love to fly kites here.
Stephen pointed out that every time you see a kite flying in Bali, you know it means there is some happy-go-lucky kid on the other end of it.
(Just like in America, behind every iPad there is a child being distracted from screaming in a busy restaurant.)
We were given a red lantern to release into the sky on our last night staying at Bondelam. It was one of those lanterns that you light on the bottom and it fills up with hot air and magestically floats away.
I was told that when you let one of those go, you choose to let go of something else that you have been holding on to.
I thought to myself “if only it were that easy…”
And then quickly also thought “why can’t it be?”
We carry so much baggage with us constantly we might as well be on vacation 24/7.
Like light that shit on fire and let it go.
*cue Frozen theme song*
But really, why do we choose to carry so much with us?
Let me tell you, from someone who is living out of a backpack, we only have room to carry with us what we value most (along with a couple of bikinis).
Cut ties with all that shit holding you down or you’ll definitely have back problems in the near future.
The only person I am affecting by carrying all of this useless weight is myself, I mean don’t get me wrong I will have killer calves by the end of it but is it worth loosing my insanity?
I carry all of the worries, the what ifs, the mistakes, like little souvenirs to remind me of all the places I have been in life whether they were good or bad.
I am not saying that by letting go of the lantern I managed to send away every single what if and every single worry, but I am saying that I realized that it is okay to start letting the little things go piece by piece.
I am only human and it’s a daily struggle learning that it’s okay to not be okay.
That’s the beauty of this whole experience, is falling off the scooter once in a while (which I did) only to get back on and keep going.
I feel like I have been so hard on myself, trying to perfect my life to make sure things are going as planned.
Moving from villa to villa, has made me embrace living amongst the chaos.
I am normally a person of comfort and normalcy. I love to go to the same restaurants and order the same thing. This has made me realize how much I was missing out on. I feel like my whole life I have thought that if I stick to a routine I will somehow end up where I want to be, when really I was just running in circles while ordering the same think from the Cheesecake Factory every chance I got.
Ofcourse I have my freak outs…my moments of “oh my god Julia what are you doing?!? You had a stable job with a great little place in LA” but then I also have my moments of “Holy shit look at this lantern floating over the ocean” moments while Balinese music is playing in the background and my hair is all twisted over my face and my skin is still warm from the sun, and I just feel alive. Alive.
I can’t remember the last time I actually felt alive. It’s actually kind of spectacular.
Just to put your hand over your heart; to feel it beating. Feel it pumping this thing called blood through these tunnels called veins.
Pretty f***ing cool right?
Like you’re a human. You’re a living breathing human, who has a purpose.
I don’t know why but it’s just a crazy type of feeling when you take a step back and appreciate yourself for exactly what you are.
All the mistakes. All the perseverance.
Why do we carry all of the bullshit with us when we have so many other important things to pick up along the way?
Life will surely stink if you decide to keep putting shit in your back pack. Trust me. Not that I have tried it, but I wouldn’t ever purposely pick up shit (especially from other people) and put it in my backpack. So why do I continually do that in my life?
(Pardon my French. Reader discretion is advised.)
I am not saying join the “I don’t give a f**k” movement, I am just saying to simply give a f**k about more important things; things that make you feel alive.
Maybe if I spent more time flying kites and releasing lanterns, I would be looking up a whole lot more than looking down.
Moral of the story is I had a relaxing time at Bondelam, played “try to guess why the village kids are laughing at me” game (which is always fun) and released a lantern which somehow opened my eyes to see that I need to start settings some things on fire and letting them go. (Figuratively not literally.)
Overall I would say my stay at Bondelum was succcesful.
I am now headed south-east to a village called Amed.
This stop will be even shorter than the last one, but hopefully just as sweet, and I can not wait to share it with you.